A Paczki PR and my Dirty Little Secret

Last month I looked forward to March for some hopeful relief from our harsh winter and my even more stressful personal life. I’m happy to report that the personal life forecast for now looks bright and sunny; however, the temperatures outside aren’t revealing even a hint of spring. In fact, we’re supposed to be hit with six inches of snow tonight, because how dare we start to enjoy clear sidewalks that aren’t out to kill us.

Two events have occurred in March that were milestones of sorts; one I’m proud of, the other, well, I’m not even sure why I’m revealing it to the internets.

On March first I ran the Paczki 5K in Hamtramck, MI for the second year in a row. It was the first time I warmed up before a 5K with two slow miles and it seems to have paid off. I finished in 24 minutes flat, which is a 25 second 5K PR for me. I’m excited to see what I can do later on in the year with more speed work and in temperatures that don’t freeze my fingers. Here’s some photographic evidence of my happy race:

Jazz Hands!

Of course, I celebrated after the race with a beer, a mimosa, and even indulged in the Detroit delicacy known as Chicken and Waffles.

My second milestone has no photographic evidence, and you’ll thank me. Yesterday was a rare beautiful day in the 50’s, so I raced home after work to get in a long run. I was hoping for 8-9 miles and drank a new blend of sports drink. It had been mixed a few days prior and I guess this stuff isn’t really supposed to be sitting around for too long, because once it hit my stomach, it didn’t want to sit around there too long either. My first few miles I felt great. I was running 8 minute miles with no effort, which for me is a very fast training run pace. After the second mile, however, something evil started brewing in my stomach. This is not something I’m unaccustomed to having a finicky digestive system so I decided to run through it for at least another mile. I wasn’t going to waste this gorgeous weather! After mile three my stomach started cramping up so bad I decided my best bet was to head home. Good decision. I was less than a block from home when a stomach cramp so severe made me bend over in pain, and as I did, an unspeakable horror occurred:

I shit my pants.

You read that right. I should clarify that it was more of a “shart”, but any amount of poop leaving your body uncontrollably is not something you want happening as a healthy adult. I was mortified. I looked around to make sure nobody saw the look of panic on my face and waddled home. Thank God I was wearing black pants. I ended up being sick all night and needless to say I won’t be sampling that sports drink again any time soon. Why am I sharing this information? Because why not, that’s why. I can’t be the only one this has happened to, but just in case, I’m heading over to the courthouse right now to petition a name change. In the meantime, stay safe out there everyone! May your injuries be few and your bowels controlled.

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3 thoughts on “A Paczki PR and my Dirty Little Secret

  1. milesflyby says:

    Nice job on the 5K PR! Not so nice on the other front…but you know you’re not alone.

  2. Welcome to the club! Your membership card is in the mail and we meet on Twitter the first Monday of every month using the hashtag #ShatChat.

    I recently told my wife my story. For nearly 5 years, no one but my sister-in-law who was with me knew. I’ll share it the next #shatchat

  3. Johnny says:

    Oh and what were you trying? I know the Hammer Perpetuem says that it needs to be consumed right after mixing. I’m guessing others are the same way, especially if they have any protein or aminos.

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