Remember your senior year of high school when you had to choose some witty quote to encapsulate your philosophy, attitude, and everything you’ve learned in the past four years? I attended an all-girls Catholic school full of very well-off young ladies who KNEW they going on to something great in life. They choose quotes like, “Dance like no one is watching, love like you’ve never been hurt…” On free-dress days (when we didn’t have to wear our uniforms) they wore Abercrombie and Fitch. They listened to Dave Matthews band and all had steady boyfriends. They were team players who loved healthy competition. They were always happy.
Me? Well, for starters, I wasn’t very happy in high school. I had fun, don’t get me wrong, and I had a close group of girlfriends who are my best friends to this day. I had no self-esteem. I was lost, and just begging to be found. I wore leopard print high heels and too much make-up on free-dress day. I never had a boyfriend. I was scared to death of my future. I smoked cigarettes, wrote short stories, and never tried sports because I was so afraid of failure. The title of today’s post (from a NIN song, of course) was what I chose as my senior quote. Nothing can stop me now, cause I don’t care anymore, was the greatest way to describe me feelings upon leaving high school. Of course, the yearbook teacher found it to bleak and made me choose another one. Begrudgingly I choose some line from a David Sedaris book.
What the hell does this have to do with running? Well, nothing really. But I’ve been thinking about this quote lately. I’ve been struggling with building not only my endurance back but also that drive that I used to have that got me out the door in the first place. When I do try to run longer I get exhausted and have to take more walking breaks than usual, something I usually view as defeat in a run. But it’s time I just stopped caring! Who cares if you have to stop to walk? Who cares if you aren’t as fast as you were pre-injury? I really don’t think it’s a negative thing to “stop caring” when what you’re letting go of is holding you back.
So my new mission in regards to running is to stop caring. Just get out there and RUN, dammit! Starting today, I will run at least a mile every day until my half marathon on June 23rd. It’s time to stop admiring all the hardcore ultra runners on DailyMile and work on becoming one myself. It will be difficult and I will have to push myself, but really, I’m the only obstacle in my way. I need to break through this mental prison I’ve built around myself that prevents me from trying, or accomplishing, anything great in life. It held me back all four years of high school, and I will no longer let it hold me back as an adult.
And nothing can stop me now, cause I don’t care anymore.