Monthly Archives: May 2012

Nothing can stop me now, cause I don’t care anymore…

Remember your senior year of high school when you had to choose some witty quote to encapsulate your philosophy,  attitude, and everything you’ve learned in the past four years? I attended an all-girls Catholic school full of very well-off young ladies who KNEW they going on to something great in life. They choose quotes like, “Dance like no one is watching, love like you’ve never been hurt…” On free-dress days (when we didn’t have to wear our uniforms) they wore Abercrombie and Fitch. They listened to Dave Matthews band and all had steady boyfriends. They were team players who loved healthy competition. They were always happy.

Me? Well, for starters, I wasn’t very happy in high school. I had fun, don’t get me wrong, and I had a close group of girlfriends who are my best friends to this day. I had no self-esteem. I was lost, and just begging to be found. I wore leopard print high heels and too much make-up on free-dress day. I never had a boyfriend. I was scared to death of my future. I smoked cigarettes, wrote short stories, and never tried sports because I was so afraid of failure. The title of today’s post (from a NIN song, of course) was what I chose as my senior quote. Nothing can stop me now, cause I don’t care anymore, was the greatest way to describe me feelings upon leaving high school. Of course, the yearbook teacher found it to bleak and made me choose another one. Begrudgingly I choose some line from a David Sedaris book.

What the hell does this have to do with running? Well, nothing really. But I’ve been thinking about this quote lately. I’ve been struggling with building not only my endurance back but also that drive that I used to have that got me out the door in the first place. When I do try to run longer I get exhausted and have to take more walking breaks than usual, something I usually view as defeat in a run. But it’s time I just stopped caring! Who cares if you have to stop to walk? Who cares if you aren’t as fast as you were pre-injury? I really don’t think it’s a negative thing to “stop caring” when what you’re letting go of is holding you back.

So my new mission in regards to running is to stop caring. Just get out there and RUN, dammit! Starting today, I will run at least a mile every day until my half marathon on June 23rd. It’s time to stop admiring all the hardcore ultra runners on DailyMile and work on becoming one myself. It will be difficult and I will have to push myself, but really, I’m the only obstacle in my way. I need to break through this mental prison I’ve built around myself that prevents me from trying, or accomplishing, anything great in life. It held me back all four years of high school, and I will no longer let it hold me back as an adult.

And nothing can stop me now, cause I don’t care anymore.

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Kinda, I Want To

On Saturday I ran my first 5K since recovering from peroneal tendonitis. I finished in 28:04, nothing special. However, it was somehow special enough for me to win my age group. What a sad showing from the 24-29 year-olds. Despite the weak competition I won against, that didn’t stop me from wearing my medal all day.

I am registered to run the Back to the Beach half marathon on May 20th (3 days after my 29th birthday), and I am tossing back and forth between whether I should run it or not. I lost valuable training time due to my injury and my endurance has yet to recover. I also think I should be saving my strength for the Charlevoix Half Marathon at the end of June. That was my first half last year, so naturally it is a sentimental and favored race of mine. If I run on May 20th and re-aggravate my foot, causing me to miss out on Charlevoix, I will be majorly pissed. Like, destroy all things in my path pissed.

However, I have missed out on one (expensive) half marathon already. What’s the harm of showing up and running? So what if I’m slower than usual? So what if I’m forced to walk portions of it? My husband agrees with this “What’s the worst that can happen?” mentality, although the furthest he’s ever run is from his car to the gas station to buy cigarettes. Running a half marathon is difficult, especially if you haven’t trained adequately.

Well, I have about a week to decide!  At the very least I will show up and claim my free shirt. The biggest regret in missing out on a race you registered for isn’t the loss of an awesome accomplishment, but the loss of race swag.

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Where is Everybody?

“Is everything speeding up/or am I slowing down?”

That’s right! Every single thing I write will relate to NIN in some way because I’m obnoxious like that. Along with running (and my husband, and our cats, and rum…), Trent Reznor is one of my main obsessions in life.

Well, I am definitely slowing down. It’s amazingly sad how just two weeks of not running derailed all the progress I made in speed and endurance. Getting back into the habit of wanting to run is another story. Though it was depressing and my butt started to jiggle more than usual, having an injury and not being able to run was kind of, dare I say it…freeing? For the first time in months I found time to do such leisurely activities as finish reading the 25 half-read books sitting on my shelf (one down, 24 to go!).

But May is a new month without injury and it’s time to start running my (jiggly) ass off! Though I was tired and hungry after work I forced myself to explore some new trails at Orion Oaks County Park. The two most exciting aspects of exploring a new park is 1) finding the usually small, unmarked parking lot, and 2) finding the actual running trail, and not just the path that leads to the nearest port-a-potty.

Once I got on the right trail I was immediately bewildered by how alone I was in a vast, open field. Despite the beautiful weather there was not a single soul out running! It was pretty cool but pretty frightening at the same time. I immediately imagined 100 rapists hiding behind bushes, just waiting for some slow girl to jog by.

Despite being jumpy, and despite the trails being poorly marked and having to guess my way back to my car, this was a beautiful and challenging 3.35 miles. The path was hilly and sandy and I was definitely winded despite my slow 10.26/mile pace. I signed up for a half marathon (pre-injury of course!) on May 20th and was warned it was a hilly route. I will definitely be running more at Orion Oaks to train, and to enjoy the nature and solitude.

I never know how to end anything  I write, so I’ll just say this: Thank God I can run again. Books are overrated.

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